Vindicated
by RelapseAndEscape
Summary: Response to Glee Angst Meme as per usual. Puck!angst. Emma wants to talk to Puck about his grades and he breaks down. Emma realises he has toxic stress, something people have when they've been through a traumatic experience and go into 'fight/flight' mode, so it makes them unable to learn anything. So by default, Puck couldn't have studied because of so. TW: domestic abuse.


The first time he sees _him_ after all those five fucking years –

He's holding a bottle of beer (like he needs anymore of that _shit_).

Noah (don't call him _Noah_, he'll break your teeth and send you to fucking Hell – granted you're not Hummel of course) Puckerman is standing just minding his own pool cleaning business _like a proper fucking man_ and _he_ shows up and everything goes to shit.

He doesn't know whether to scream or cry so hard that they'd call him Tobey damn Maguire.

It's almost like he's in elementary school again and that piece of shit gets so drunk out of his mind he starts screaming and when he screams, shit goes down and when – when he SCREAMS_, Goddammit, Noah, if he screams then you're in for some serious shit._

Fuck him standing there with that drink, asking him if he wants some –

Puck is _nothing_ like his Father and is never going to be. He'd rather _die_ than be that piece of ugly assed bastard that can't get a woman in bed to save his Jewish ass_. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he _has_ to graduate. He can't be that disgusting sod of a fucking bastard (a man? Yeah, right)—_

So then he asks him for the five hundred.

Puck's supposed to scoff, tell him that _dammit, Dad (should I even call you that?), I'm actually doing something with my life, okay?_ He wants to scream about Sarah, because leaving her? That is so not cool. It's so _disgusting_ that Puck can't look at him without wondering if he should give him an upper-cut or a jab—

He gives him all five hundred.

Puck? Scared?

_"Nothing scares you, man."_

Yeah, right.

_Dammit, Finn. Fuck, I'm petrified, man. I might piss in your car if you even mention that douche's name, you know?_

Puck can hit the books. Yeah. Except all of the words are jumbling and all of the information is leaving his brain and he can't think because his heart is beating so freakin' fast that he just_—fuck, no, no, no, no, no, no…FUCKING NO_. Puck slams his fist against the offending book.

Fuck…

He fails that exam.

He will _not_ graduate. He is _just_ like his Father. Now, he can't even look at the fucking mirror without deciding if he should give himself an upper-cut or a jab.

"Puck," oh, it's Ms Pillsbury. What's she gonna do? Give him a pamphlet that says _'10 steps to accept yourself as you turn into your bastard of a Father that used to beat you and your Mother up until you can't fucking BREATHE anymore. Plus, you gave him 500 because he asked. Yeah.'_

"I need to talk with you."

"Well, start talkin', Miss P. I've got Glee."

She's got that nervous look on her face when she wants to say something really important or bad. He hopes that she's going to tell him his Dad dropped dead in his own beer and piss.

"This is…this is nice," she blurts out all of a sudden during the awkward silence.

"Look, Ms P –"

"Your midterm results are a bit of a worry to me…is anything happening?"

He can tell her to fuck off except Mr Schue would probably carve his initials in his face. Plus, he kinda doesn't want to.

"Noah."

Puck stares down at his lap and he feels so incredibly _Noah_ that he's going to throw up all of himself.

"You know, bastard called me _Noah_. He's the one that thought of that stupidass name, you know? He said some shit about it meaning rest or comfort. He came up to me, that cunning bastard, and you know what he said to me? He asked me for five hundred dollars."

Ms P nods tentatively at him, and he's just spilling what feels like years of bottled up crap inside of him –

"After he hit me, and my Mom, and he – just – bastard told me never ever to _fail_, you know? Just…it's like a lot on my head and it's never happened before – I can just cram a night before and still pass but my head's just – I read it, but it's like I can't learn that shit, you know? Kinda like I'm waiting for him to be outside to swing the bottle at my face and dammit, Ms, P, I swore _I swore_ that I can feel the bruise on my cheek I get from when the bottle collides with my cheek or something, _and do you know how much that hurts, Ms P_?"

Puck suddenly slams his fists towards the table.

"Fucking bastard used to hit me so hard I'd be lucky if I saw stars."

"Noah –"

_"Don't call me Noah! HE CALLED ME THAT!" _this time, Puck slams his fists towards the table enough to startle her.

"Fuck, I'm _turning_ into him –"

"N-n-no."

Is she cupping his face? Well fuck him to hell, is he _crying_? Ms P turns around and gives him one of those pamphlets –_SO YOU'VE GOT TOXIC STRESSED CAUSED BY SEVERE AND CHRONIC TRAUMA_. He reads it front to back and is just about to leave when Ms P says something, "…did anything else happen when he visited you? Did he hurt you?"

Puck stops in his tracks. "Offered me a damn drink, like I needed anymore reason to turn into that sorry ass…he…he asked me for the five hundred."

Ms P nods slowly. "Yeah, you told me-"

"I gave it to him."

Ms P's staring at him with wide eyes. He just nods off to her, "see ya, Ms P" and then leaves. He kind of remembers that when Quinn's pregnant, he'd do anything to be with that kid – anything to be with Beth, - anything to show him that he's not like his Dad.

Now, he's curled up to bottles of alcohol he doesn't even know exist.

_Yeah, right. This is you, buddy. Accept it._

And damn, is he crying _again_?

* * *

"N-"

Ms P stops herself from calling him through that, then she clears her throat. "Puck."

"Yeah, Ms P?"

She looks like she's gonna piss herself from how happy she looks like. She's giving him a paper. _This is an official note from the school board stating that Noah Puckerman, Grade 12, is allowed to retake Mrs Doosenbury's geography test at Wednesday afterschool from 3:30 to 5:30 due to the school board being brought to the issue of toxic stress in Mr Puckerman as toxic stress damages the brain and when the child is in flight, fright, or fight mode, they cannot learn. It is physiologically impossible to do so thus characterizing it as_—Puck doesn't care about the rest of that shit.

Ms P's seriously gonna piss herself if she keeps on grinning like that. "Ms P, this is-"

"It's only fair, Puck-"

She's tackled by a huge hug from him, and she's hugging him back after a while.

"You know, my office is always open, Puck."

Puck nods.

"Ms P?"

She stares at him and then says a "hmm?"

"Call me Noah."


End file.
